Really, Mr. Greenberg??

I recently read a column by Jeremy Greenberg on MSN.com's "the family room" section, called "When Kids have Home Envy".  Admitting some insecurities and hinting at a certain sense of apology, he was asking readers what would be the best way to explain to his child why they live in a house that's not as big as those of some other people.

Well, let's see…. I can come up with a few answers to that one. 

How about:

1) Large homes require far more cleaning, and unless you like scrubbing lots of toilets, we're staying here.

2) Large homes require a lot more power to heat, cool, and light.  This energy is created by electricity, which is largely produced by burning coal, which despite all claims to the contrary, is a huge environmental pollutant.

3) Electricity is very expensive.  Do we want to spend all our money on heating and cooling rooms no one ever uses anyway, or do we want to go to Disneyland sometimes?

4) In large homes, it's easy to lose things.  Keys, sunglasses, special toys, your homework, your children.

5) When you wake up in the middle of the night and you're scared, it's no fun to have to wander large halls and staircases to find your parents.

6) In a large house your mom can't hear when your brother is torturing you.

7) If we got a large house we'd be having to work crazy hours to pay for it and we'd never see you, and that's not a trade-off we want to make.

8) We think it's important for you to learn to think of how much you actually need rather than how much you can possibly get.

9) We'd like to teach you to tread softly upon the earth and leave a small footprint.

10) We think that having an excessively large house, teaches you to focus on material excess, which will ultimately lead you to a life of emptiness and constant longing.

11) We'd rather not spend our lives walking past huge, empty rooms with cathedral ceilings, that we just don't have the heart or energy to furnish because they won't be used in any case, so why bother.

12) We could have moved into a bigger house, but we chose not to.  

13) We don't like big houses.  We think they're cold and lonely.

14) Bigger doesn't always mean better.

15) We like our house just the way it is, because we all have enough space for our selves, our stuff (more of less) and it is a warm and intimate place into which we invite our friends and family because we want to be near them.  Our house embodies so many of the values we want to teach you, as you grow up and make more of your own choices about how you want to live in this world.  

16) We love you and we want to be close to you.

How's that for a start?