On Morality and Shoes

Every now than and then a person needs a little lift ---- the kind that can really only come from buying a new pair of shoes (I'm speaking for all of us, right?).  So I'd been feeling the shoe urge building in me over the last few weeks, and finally, last week, I found a little window to quench it.   I didn't want to totally splurge, so I figured I'd go into DSW and see if I could find a great deal on something nice.  Walking up and down the isles, I found lots of cheap shoes --- I mean, not just inexpensive, but also cheaply made, with cheap materials, not really interesting or comfortable.  And yeah, they were inexpensive, but most of these shoes weren't that expensive even before they were discounted.   

Deep thought #1:  It's far more satisfying to find a cheap expensive pair of shoes than to find a cheap cheap pair of shoes.

Then I tried on some higher quality brands, and boy, did they feel great.  What a difference!   But the ones that ended up at the discounter  were in some pretty hideous colors and styles.  I have no questions about why those shoes ended up so deeply discounted, and I tried to talk myself into some super comfortable Cole Haan yellowish snakeskin moccasins with……oh, never mind, they were so ugly!  

It's clear that some products are really better and deserve to be priced higher, but since I really didn't need new shoes, I started thinking about what my budget should be for this admittedly frivolous purchase.   Would a cute cheap pair of shoes scratch the itch, or did it have to be something really great that cost more?  

The first question is, "why do I want shoes?"  To that, I have no answer.  It just is.  It's like when, at the age of three, one of my kids asked, "mommy, why is blue?"  Some people eat, some people drink, some people like shoes.  

As I mentioned in a previous column (Your Budget is Failing Because of Glenn Close), you need to allow yourself the occasional indulgence, but how do you determine the appropriate budget for that splurge?  Clearly a person with limited means and meaningful debt should probably just indulge in some new lipstick, but what If you're a fairly wealthy person with a nice income, and you won't be damaging your financial position by walking into Prada and buying a $1,500 pair of boots?  Should you?  Or would that just be wrong?  Would it bring you pleasure or guilt?  Should you just buy yourself something modest and give the rest to charity, for example?  

It is at this point that you must "take a dive into Lake You", as my husband would say.  You must think through your feelings before, during and after a purchase, and you must find where exactly the thrill resides.  Is it all about the hunt (or bargain hunt), and after you bought the thing you're not that interested in it anymore?  Is it about the feeling of power and control when you confidently swipe your credit card and are able to buy yourself something nice?  Is it about rewarding yourself for an accomplishment (like having just paid off your credit card)?  Or is it really about the pleasure you will get from the use of the purchase?  It's important to be able to answer these questions, because it reveals something about your basic values.  Misunderstanding your shopping values, and the source of your shopping pleasure can lead to a misalignment of your values and your spending,  and that inevitably leads to all kinds of unhappiness and guilt.  When I plan to go shoe shopping, I am just full of excitement and optimism, and I'd hate to have the experience ruined by feelings of regret and self loathing.  And Who knows ---- you might discover you love to try on lots of shoes and not even buy anything.  Try it sometime, I have.  It'll save you a ton of money!

So I was exploring my feelings about shopping and shoes while browsing countless pairs of boots and wedges and those horrible strappy, Roman warrior looking sandals from last year (I tried, but they never grew on me).  Since I was finding nothing that really excited me, I was starting to think I should just forget the whole expedition and go home, but going shoe shopping and not finding anything is really depressing (oh, don't judge me!).   And then I found them.  A totally cute pair of Kenneth Cole flats marked down to $30!  I realized that on this day, at least, I was a thrill-of-the-hunt kind of gal, and I had totally found satisfaction.

I walked out of the store with a feeling I soon identified as RELIEF.  Weird, huh?  But that's definitely what it was.  But why relief? Well, I felt relieved that (a) I didn't have to go home empty-handed, (b) I didn't buy something ugly just because I really wanted to buy something, and (c) I didn't spend a lot of money, which would have made me feel guilty.  

Deep thought #2:  If you insist on turning it into a deep, emotional exploration, buying shoes can be a really draining experience.